Single Parent Series: Do It For The Kids

I can’t count how many times I’ve heard a husband, or wife, say they are staying for the kids. Is this the right thing to do? Is it the wrong thing to do? I reached out to some followers with this question and compiled this blog post.

Staying “for the kids”, often means living in a house that is filled with tension, maybe even conflict. Some couples may “live their own life”, but stay under the same roof. Some may regularly argue openly in front of the children. Most times, there will be no genuine displays of affection. As much as I hated my marriage ending in divorce, this is not the type of home environment, I would have wanted to raise my daughters in. Oh yes, at the time I would have been willing. I offered all of that and more. There is truth in the adage “hindsight is 20/20”, because let me assure you, my gals have thrived so much more as products of divorce, than they would have in a home where we “stayed for the kids”.

Divorce has allowed me to teach my daughters so much more about what marriage should be. Sure, I wish I could have given my girls a nuclear family, but from my experience, I think what they have been given is of just as much value. They never had to go to their rooms because mom and dad were fighting. They never had to take uncomfortable car rides, where mom and dad sat in silence. They never wondered why their mom and dad slept in separate bedrooms. They never watched those forced “goodbye” kisses on the cheek. They never experienced those things, because their dad chose to leave, and not stay “for the kids”. At the time, it was devastating. Sixteen years later, I’m grateful.

I wont lie to you and say there weren’t hard times. I wont share publicly, personal experiences of my girls missing their dad, in earlier years. I will say, it’s all what you make it. Listen to your children’s needs. Today, they have two very involved parents. As a parent, you can be as involved as you choose to be. Divorce does not take away parental rights.

For those who say they’re afraid of how divorce may effect their children, let me just go back to the last paragraph. Parents, stay involved. Don’t let work, distance, other relationships, disagreements with your ex, or anything else keep you from being involved with your child. You do NOT have to live under the same roof to be an awesome parent.

Secondly, I’m going to brag on my girls. They both believe in God and have been baptized. They have huge hearts, especially for the elderly, special needs or the disadvantaged. They are happy gals, who have lots of friends. Both have succeeded in academics and extracurriculars. And get this…they love BOTH their mom and dad!!! (Not too shabby for kids of divorce!)

In conclusion, I think if the reason that you are staying in your marriage is “for the kids”, you are just delaying the inevitable. Kids don’t make marriages.

You can send any questions or comments to maradachaffins@gmail.com

Chat later,

Marada